time out

You know what? It IS all I've ever wanted.

Yes, folks, I'll be stepping away from the glow of my computer monitor for a bit...but like a nasty case of herpes, there's no getting rid of me forever. Before you know it, I'll be flaring up in your face again, my friend! In fact, you can expect an outbreak around July 6th- be sure to have your ointment ready.

For those of you who will be in the Charlotte, North Carolina environs and will miss me dearly, be sure to stop by Heroes Con the weekend of July 1st. I'll be parked behind a table with none other than Dirk "Nightmare World" Manning, each of us hawking wares and spinning tales and eating fire snacks. It'll be phat AND dope, as the kids would say.

Until my return, make me proud. Make me proud, dammit!

A New Old Nightmare

Heads up, Freddy fans...on September 26, New Line Home Entertainment will be releasing the "infinifilm" Super Ultra Wicked Awesome Mega-Packed Special Edition of A Nightmare on Elm Street. What's this so-called "infinifilm"? Exactly how super ultra wicked awesome mega-packed special is this edition? This article at Reuters has all the deets, but I'll just tell you since I know how much you hate clicking links.

Using the "infinifilm" option, viewers can access behind-the-scenes documentaries, interviews and other extras as they are watching the film, so the bonus materials can be digested in context.

Among the bonus features New Line is preparing are audio essays with director Wes Craven and star Robert Englund, documentaries on the franchise's origins and its legacy, a trivia challenge and a making-of feature.

I suddenly feel like I'm on The Jetsons or something...it sounds so futuristic! Hmm. It'll be like a Pop-Up Video! Sounds like some cool bonus junk. I guess I'd have to see it in action to judge it, but do I want an interview with Heather Langenkamp cutting in at a big moment of action? Maybe, if she's talking about hair care. I think she's got that under control now.

In other news, I love this picture of Freddy...he's so lovely, posing with his glove. I believe it's from his senior portrait portfolio. My favorite, though, is the one where he's leaning against a tree in his football jersey, ungloved hand casually in a pocket.

If only...

I'm sure you kids may be hip to the fact that YouTube and similar sites are all the rage these days; people upload clips and trailers from exiting movies and shows, boring videos of their friends drinking beer, or the cutest little baby doing the cutest little thing. Super creative types have even taken to making and posting trailers for fake movies all over the InterNerd, like this one for Leprechaun vs. Wishmaster (as reported by Fangoria).


Oh, Leprechaun vs Wishmaster, why aren't you real? Why? Why do you tease me from cyberspace? Maybe, dear reader, if we all synchronize ourselves and hope really hard at the exact same moment all around the world, one day Leprechaun vs Wishmaster will become a real boy movie.

I'd watch Leprechaun vs. anybody. Anybody! Even vs. this guy, whom I hate hate hate. Come to think of it, I'd especially watch Leprechaun vs. that guy. Sigh.

You know by now that I love the Leprechaun movies. I know I shouldn't...I know they're bad for me, but I can't help myself. They're like bacon or the Spice Girls or something. My mind says no, but my heart cries YES! I try to deny my feelings, but the next thing I know my friends (whom I've suckered into accompanying me, though they're having just as awesome a time as I am which they'll later admit) and I are the only people in the audience over the age of 12, but it doesn't matter because we've got front row center tickets and before you know it I'm boasting "The Baby one looked at me!" and...umm...not that I'm actually admitting to seeing the Spice Girls in concert or anything.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Won't someone make a Leprechaun vs. ... movie and make Final Girl's dreams come true?

nuking chestnuts

Now let me tell you, I haven't seen the trailer for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning yet. It's only viewable during certain times of the day or something...and sad to say, I'm on an old hand-cranked dial-up internet here. Thus, a viewing will have to come later for me. Sigh. I did see this still from the trailer, though...and it certainly fulfilled my what the fuck?? quota for today.

I have no clue as to who that is, what's going on, or why a shot like that would be in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. What I do know, however, is that the next time I spot one of these at a flea market:

I'm totally buying it and re-selling it on eBay to some hapless horror fan. It's rare TCM memorabilia, dude! No reserve!

USDA

Courtesy of Theeeee Onion:
It's good to know that someone has a zombie's health and best interests at heart.

roasting chestnuts

Yesterday there was news about attempts to squeeze a bit more life money from Halloween's teat...today there's the poster for the upcoming Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel, The Beginning.

This poster cracks me up. Sure, the color scheme is lovely, the film grain, while obviously Photoshopped, is a nice touch. But that picture of Leatherface...man. Is he some sort of angst-y loner in this movie? Is he struggling to find his identity by hitting the road with his chainsaw...or is he out for justice? One man and his chainsaw, walking off into the stormclouds. It's like a Tobe Hooper, Sergio Leone, and Vincent Gallo clusterfuck.

And then there's "WITNESS THE BIRTH OF FEAR"...honestly, I'd rather not witness the birth of anything. Yeah, yeah...miracle of life and all that- it's still fucking gross.

Item!

According to Reuters movie news, Rob Zombie will be picking up writing and directing duties for the next Halloween flick, due out October, 2007. He's got a brand new vision! Yes, yes, they all say that, but perhaps Mr. Zombie means it. Sayeth Monsieur Zombie:

The look and the feel is going to be completely different. Halloween started off as a very terrifying concept, a terrifying movie. But over the years, Michael Myers has become a friendly Halloween mask. When it came to the point where you could buy a Michael Myers doll that was cute-looking and press its stomach and play the 'Halloween' theme, you knew the scare factor was gone.

But I think the story and the situation is scary. All it needed was someone to come in and to take a totally different approach to make it scary again. To me, that's the challenge and that's the fun.

He'll be ignoring EVERYTHING that has come before- all the sequels, all the crap- to create...not a sequel or a remake, but...you guessed it...a re-imagining.

This could be an interesting choice. I've yet to see The Devil's Rejects, but I found House of 1000 Corpses to be incredibly disappointing to put it mildly. To put it less mildly, I hated it. I admire the man's moxie and the fact that he's obviously a huge horror fan. I sort of caught glimpses of what he was going for in Corpses, but I thought it was highly unentertaining. Whatever he does to the Halloween franchise, it can't possibly be worse than Halloween 6 or the last rumblings of a Part 9 I heard- the whole Michael-in-the-asylum business.

A Rob Zombie slasher movie could be fun. He says the word 'scary' a whole bunch of times, so...umm...you know...that's something, right? And Sheri Moon-Zombie would make a perfect Lynda, come to think of it.