Bloody-Disgusting has a
review up of the workprint of the forthcoming remake of
Black Christmas. It's super wicked spoiler-heavy but I read it anyway. It's a review of a mere work in progress, but I read it anyway. Why? Because many moons ago when I first read about this movie I think I could already smell it...and it smelled
bad, baby. Perhaps it's not fair to judge a film on an interview here and a production still there and a plot synopsis over yonder. But hey, who says I have to be
fair? And anyway, if you read the scathing review, you'll see my early onset of middle finger-flipping was most likely justified. Point #1, from the review: "It's too jokey." Sigh. I
hate too jokey in my horror! Unless it's
supposed to be jokey, which I'm pretty sure this film is
not.
There's no denying the hilarity of this production still, however, which I have dubbed
Coal Miner's Daughter Senior Portrait:
She's
ever so thoughtful and innocent and sooty!
As I said, it's just a workprint so things may change before I lay my grubby eyes on this puppy, but it matters not. I'm already working up a list of post/review titles for when
Black Christmas hits the screen:
Blecch Christmas
Ho-Ho-Horrible
Bah Humbug!
Black ChristmASS
Was I Naughty, Santa? Is
That Why You've Wrought This Upon Me?
The Worst Noel
Jingle Smells
and
This Movie is a Piece of Shit
What gets your vote? I'm really into
The Worst Noel despite its lack of profanity.
She's ever so thoughtful and innocent and sooty!
Jingle Blecch may be my favorite. Reminds me of Mad Magazine back in the day. Everybody said Blecch and I loved it!
ReplyDeleteBut the award, I think, goes to Black ChristmASS, because it's stupid and funny and full of assy awesomeness.
Black ChristmASS all the way!
ReplyDeleteAnd can I say for the record that Lacey Chabert (pictured), Party of One, looks like she was stuffed UP the chimney in this one to replace Santa.
What pisses me off about this remake (and that Texas Chainsaw prequel you posted about earlier) is that we are supposed to find out WHY these killers are doing what they are doing.
I don't want to know who Billy is or whatever in the BC remake. THAT'S what made it soo scary in the original. He just does what he does.
I think the best headline has to be:
ReplyDeleteHo-Ho-Horrible
How about "Dreck the Halls"?
I'm with Trav. I'm all about ambiguity in serial killer films.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding to to hope because the fellows behind this also did the incredible remake of Willard, a movie I hold very close to my heart.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it looks like it will sucky wucky so who am I to judge?
Amanda By Night
Black ChristmASS!! HA!
ReplyDeleteI love the original so so much ...I have no idea what to think about all of this. I really can't decide whether to boycott... or to go and heckle the movie screen the whole time. (because movie screens always get their feelings hurt very easily.)
That's right, I forgot.
ReplyDeleteThe guys that did the awesome remake of Willard are doing this thing.
I am crossing my fingers too, amanda by night.
I'm kind of liking This Movie is a Piece of Shit, but, I suppose it's not really specific to the movie itself, it could be ANY shitty movie.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there's always Fuckin Up My Christmas