tasty tidbits

Let me get this out right up front: The Descent is scheduled for DVD release on December 26.

There. I feel much better knowing when I can clutch my Very Own Copy in my greasy little paws, even if it's still months away. I can't wait to see it again. Now then, in other DVD news...

The 2-disc Infinifilm Special Awesome Edition of A Nightmare on Elm Street hit shelves this week. There's lots of goodies packed in with that edition, so it seems like that's the version to own. For now. However, everytime I think they've come out with the 'Best Ever edition, as in no edition will EVER beat this edition Edition ' of a movie and I cave and buy it, sure enough a 'wicked Best Ever edition, as in no edition will EVER beat this edition Edition ' shows up in stores, mocking me. Laughing at me. Pointing at me. Mooning me! Laughing and pointing and mooning and...and...and then tiny little ghostly Piper Laurie heads begin floating in front of my face, reminding me that she told me that they were all gonna laugh at me and the next thing I know she's locked me in the Jesus closet to repent for getting my period and I'm punching myself in my dirtypillows and I swear one of these days I'll throw tampons at them and see how much they like it except I'll throw the tampons so frickin hard that they go right through---

Perhaps I've said too much.

My point is, the 2-disc Ultimate Edition of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre also appeared on store shelves this week and is flashing its metaphorical bare ass at the Special Edition Texas Chainsaw Massacre sitting over on my shelf. I think I'll pay some extra attention to my DVD to let it know that while "Special" isn't quite "Ultimate", it's still...well, special. And I don't even mean Welcome to the Dollhouse special, either. I won't hold its lack of documentaries and bloopers and Marilyn Burns commentary against it, I promise.

Speaking of TCM, the release of The Texas Chainsaw Masssacre: The Beginning is fast approaching: look for it, or don't, on Friday, October 6. Now, I realize that I've expressed my...displeasure at the prospect of the movie in an earlier post. However, I've come to the conclusion, as recently as 10 minutes ago, that I will be going to see this flick. What on earth would drag me to a theatre to see a Jessica Biel-less modern-day Leatherface tale, you ask? My answer, friends, is two-fold.

First, notice that release date. It's in October. OCTOBER. Do you know what happens in October? SHOCKTOBER HAPPENS IN OCTOBER. Yarr, mateys, can ye smell that sweet sweet Shocktober aroma? It's comin' on fast and it's comin' on strong! It's about to begin, and I can't wait. For those of you not in the know, as a special Halloween-style exercise in masochism treat last year, I spent the month of October watching and reviewing a movie per day, every day. And not just anymovie, mind you- the catch was, I had to watch and review a movie I've never seen before. I'll be pulling this stunt again for Shocktober '06 starting in a few days, and I figure with a horror movie hitting theatres during the festivities, I need to take advantage of the opportunity to get off my fucking couch.

Secondly, I read the advance review of TCMTB (as the cool kids are calling it) at Bloody-Disgusting, and it was...glowing. Well, I think it was glowing, anyway. I don't get the second part of this sentence, so I could be wrong:

"...what separates TCMTB from the rest is not only how emotionally effective it is, but how virtues it is in its terror."

Does he mean 'virtuous', maybe? Interesting. Perhaps there's hope for us all. There's still no accounting for the ad campaign, however. I thought things couldn't get any worse after this touching "one lonely man and his chainsaw" approach:

...but WOW. Things got alot worse, my friends, and this poster adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "one lonely man and his chainsaw":

What the fuck? Is that a joke? That has to be a joke. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME THAT'S A JOKE. Is that Leatherface's high school senior portrait? It feels so...seedy. Not in a horror movie horrifying kind of seedy, but in a "I Googled some innocuous term and somehow now I've stumbled across a site full of amateur photos of stuffed animals and the men who love them...whilst said men are loving their stuffed animals!" kind of seedy...not that, you know, that's ever happened to me. Although, I must say, a friend once told me to Google Image the word 'love' and check out the first picture. The picture was a mustachioed man in lingerie shoving his wang up a car's tailpipe. No, I'm not lying...and sweet mother of all that is good and kind in the world a poster for a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie should NOT bring back such painful memories for me!

Excuse me, please...I think I need some time in the Jesus closet.