"internerd"..."tagged"..."cyber"..."the"...I'm living on the edge here in this modern, computerized age here, people; careful, don't cut yourselves. Now then- questions and answers!
Dammit, Charles Nelson Reilly, don't be such a spoil sport. That is most definitely not the Christmas Spirit.1. Popcorn or candy?
For what? When I'm trying to lure children into my big dirty van, I'd have to say that I've had more success with candy. Puppies, of course, are golden, but a bag of Sour Patch Kids can do the trick in a pinch.
I always say that I hate popcorn, but it's not really true. What I hate is having people around me who are eating popcorn. It kind of drives me crazy, especially when I don't want popcorn. The entire room smells of it, and then all you hear for a half hour is "rustle rustle rustle...crunch crunch crunch" while people rummage around in the bag and then cram way too much popcorn in their mouths at once- or they do the non-stop, rapid fire, vacuumesque one-piece-at-a-time method. Either way, grody to the max.
Remember that movie Popcorn? Yeah.
2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.
Audition Audition Audition! It never seems to happen. I even had the damn thing in my house for a week or so and never got around to watching it. What the hell? I want to see it, I've been told I should see it, but I can't make it happen. I suck. I keep meaning to see Wolf Creek as well, but alas. Later today I'll punch myself and sit in the corner thinking about how bad I am.
3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar : Who loses theirs and to whom?
I haven't watched the Oscars in a few years. Not to turn this into some kind of dry intellectual discourse, but I find them to be a little...retarded, although I'll admit I feel a little teary-eyed when the words "Cher" and "Bob Mackie" are uttered in the same breath. That said, however, I think the Oscars sealed their doom when Ellen Burstyn's performance in Requiem for a Dream lost out to Julia Roberts' in Erin Brockovich. I mean, what's next? Teddy bears getting married?
Oh my god...NOOOOOOOOO!4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?
Admission: When I was but a wee bonny lass, I stole a cassette of the Pretty in Pink soundtrack from a local record store. I was so completely wracked with guilt I couldn't even listen to the damn thing, so I can't imagine I'd go through with stealing anything else ever. Except maybe office supplies from a job. Or jewels from the rich. Or maybe insulin from someone's mailbox if I needed it. Or candy from a whiny baby. Maybe I'd steal a car if it was nice.
I'm actually stealing right this minute.
When I think movie costume, I think "costume", like Darth Vader or some shit. And despite my propensity for appearing at comic conventions, I don't think I need a Darth Vader costume "for my wardrobe". So to answer the question...wait, what was the question?
5. Your favorite film franchise is…
As nerdish as it may be (and despite all of its glaring problems), I'd have to say Star Wars. It ain't perfect (or even close), but I'm of the age where I grew up on Star Wars and it's got a place in my heart.
Runners up: Romero's zombie movies, the Alien flicks...maybe even the Friday the 13th series.
6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why’d you invite them? What do you feed them?
Whaaaaa? Damn. Umm...hmm. Do I need to think about how the five people will interact with each other or just me? Can I invite my friends, too, so I have someone to talk to if the "movie people" all suck? Will someone buy me a dinner table so we all have somewhere to sit? Gah! Fuck this Martha Stewart shit.
OK, I'd invite...umm...who the hell would I invite? Crap. Uh...ok. George Romero seems like a nice guy. And those glasses! Yes, perhaps George Romero. 4 more...man, this is hard. Who else would I want to talk to? Maybe Jamie Lee Curtis- she's been in gobs of slashers and might have something to say. And maybe she remembers all her smoove moves from Prom Night and can teach them to us after dinner. A disco-dancing George Romero...ok, now this dinner is starting to take shape. I might invite Christophe Gans and Roger Avery (a package deal) so we can talk about Silent Hill 2, because I'm completely sure that my insight would insure a stellar sequel (cough cough).
How many people am I up to? Dang. Ah! I know! Adrienne Barbeau. Absofuckinglutely. She's got some stories to tell, I'm sure of it. You know, I don't really care about "meeting famous people" beyond the novelty factor, but Adrienne Barbeau is another story. Ok...and...John Carpenter? Maybe. I don't know if he'd be cool or dreadful, you know? I mean, it is an entire dinner. But he's got a good brain to pick. Lastly, I'd invite Jessica Biel to sit directly across from me for obvious reasons.
Duh, I'm a huuuuuuge 7th Heaven fan.
What would I serve these people? Perhaps the person who is magically providing a big table will also provide food.
7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?
I suppose I should give some clever answer here involving physical cruelties and torture, but I have a problem with doling out and/or witnessing physical cruelties and torture in real life, so I'll be a big lame-o and say "They have to leave the theatre, dammit!". That's harsh, right? I'll admit, though, the term "exploding heads" does have its charms.
8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.
I need a bodyguard suddenly? I feel so Whitney Houston! I have arrived, baby!
I plead the fifth because the question feels a little too "Who would win in a fight, Thor or the Hulk?" for me.
I'd choose Ripley.
9. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen in a movie?
I talked about this kind of thing to a degree way back when, right here. Read and be informed!
10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?
What did comedy and drama ever to to be shunned like that? Can I say dramedy? Is that allowed? Huh? Is it? Well, I like horror movies, in case you didn't know. I also like made-for-TV movies, hokey-ass action movies, and disaster movies with all-star casts. Some sci-fi is good. I like movies- why must they all be labeled and categorized and segregated? Can't we all just live together in perfect harmony, like ebony and ivory? We are one world...have you learned nothing from Benetton ads, o internet questions?
11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?
No "mega-watt star power" in anything. Other than that, I have no idea. Well, there must be good scripts and small flicks out there that aren't given a chance, though, and I'd change that.
12. Bonnie or Clyde?
Again, I say, for what? And what's with all the questions? Jesus. But really, "Bonnie or Clyde"? Come on.
I choose Faye Dunaway, how's that?
13. Who are you tagging to answer this survey? (Three or more)
I admit, as silly as these question things are, I'd really like to read answers from Amanda by Night, Des, and John Barleycorn. The Final Girl 7. Oh, and of course you!
Man, this thing wiped me out. Well, Charles Nelson Reilly, what do you think now?
Christ, there is just no pleasing that guy.
6 comments:
I do remember Popcorn, vaguely.
I have managed to avoid seeing Halloween III for two decades, despite being told it is good I have given up and it's on its way here via Netflix right now.
The Oscar question is tough. I don't like hearing the term "Oscar-winner" associated with Renee Zellweger or Jamie Foxx, but no one asked me. Denzel was awesome in Training Day, but he was more awesome in Malcolm X and should have won then. Instead the Academy wanted to put Russell Crowe in his place for being a jerk most of that year after his previous win. Then there are all of Martin Scorsese's awards that were inexplicably given to other directors.
I'd have to swipe Nicholas Cage's Best Actor win for playing a lousy drunk and give it to Sean Penn for making me sympathize with a racist teen-raping double murderer.
John Carpenter would make a lovely dinner guest...if you don't mind the chain-smoking.
I think a resounding smack upside the head would be good for movie cellphone use. That's what I'd do to someone with me doing that.
The scariest thing to me in a movie is still the way Michael Myers looks at Bob's dead body after he stabs him and pins him to the wall. That little side to side head thing creeps me the hell out!
If I'm headed a major studio I would not allow any remakes or re-imaginings for that year. Only original scripts with original characters.
1. Popcorn or candy?
I love Swedish Fish. It's true. There's my answer.
2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.
The Godfather, Taxi Driver, Nashville... anything that has gotten some kind of recognition, I have missed entirely.
3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar : Who loses theirs and to whom?
Patricia Arquette once said "Oscars Schmoscars." I'd give her one. She's pretty.
Also, I'd take away Gwenyth Paltrow and Julia Robert's Oscars and give them to Andrew Prine and Robert Forster. They've worked much harder... and they're hotter too...
4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?
I remember a dress that Jill Clayburgh wore in Griffin & Phoenix. It was a simple white dress that really meant nothing, but the film is so wonderful and moving, I think it's the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.
And maybe Klaus Nomi's famous plastic tux from URGH! A Music War.
5. Your favorite film franchise is…
Uh, Friday the 13th, for sure. It's the only one that didn't totally screw up the killer. I like that they don't mess too much with his background (not counting Part 9 here) and he's still scary, even if the films aren't.
6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why’d you invite them? What do you feed them?
I'm going to guess I can pick living or dead. Easy. Christopher George, David Warbeck and Claudia Jennings because they've all died and I've never gotten a chance to say how much I love them. Parker Stevenson because he's the most and Clu Gulagher because he's a great storyteller and he practically lets me sit on his lap whenever I see him.
7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?
Murder. Or water torture, like what they're doing to Spencer on One Life to Live. I mean, he's in that position because of his cell phone, right?
8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.
Linda Hamilton is so awesome and in one of my all time favorite TV Movies, On the Line. I pick her, just to gush...
9. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen in a movie?
It's almost just like what Hitchcock said about suspense. Put a bomb under the table, show the audience but don't show it to the characters. What scares me most is knowing that someone is not alone when they think they are.
10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?
Made for TV Movies from the 70s on any subject. Porn.
11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?
Wonderful, amazing character actors like John C. McGinley and Peter Falk would NEVER be out of work. I'd make sure older actors were in movies about older people. I'd take the illustrious charms of Linda Gray, Stefanie Powers, Gillian Anderson and Kate Jackson and exploit them for all their worth.
12. Bonnie or Clyde?
Bonnie was fab.
13. Who are you tagging to answer this survey? (Three or more)
Mmmm, I don't have three friends. I'll say Mick Jagger, Jodie Foster and Emo Phillips.
1. Candy (either the food OR the main character of the 1968 flick based on Terry Southern's Candide-based book)
2. The Third Man (1949)
3. Take away Oliver Stone's Oscar for "Born on the 4th of July" and give it to Martin Scorsese for "Goodfellas"
4. I'd steal one of the simple black suits from "Reservoir Dogs." You could wear it anywhere anytime...
5. Eesh, this is a hard one - the "Alien" franchise??
6. Kevin Smith, Alec Baldwin, Quentin Tarantino, Elvira, Carla Gugino, and Traci Lords
7. Banned from theaters for one year (first offense)
8. Ripley would be MY choice, fer sure
9. The scariest thing I've ever seen in a movie? Ummm, probably Jane Fonda abd Jennifer Lopez in "Monster-in-Law"
10. Horror or porn - it's too close to call
11. Given said power, I would make small-ish films with good scripts and good actors that aren't superstars...and start looking for a new job almost immediately
12. Bonnie, of course
13. No one y'all know...
I'll be real honest with you Stacie, Audition, while definitely worth seeing at least once, is wildly overrated. It's one of those movies that has too much hype around it at this point, and to be honest, it's not as amazing as all the talking heads would lead one to think.
Now, this isn't to say it was a terrible movie. Not by any means. I certainly liked it enough to buy a second copy of it when it was officially released here in the states. It's just that there are better movies in the Asian horror arena now. And while Audition may have ushered them in, it doesn't hold up as well against what has come since. Hell, I'm not even sure that it's really that great an example of Miike's work.
Of course, this is all subjective, and my taste in movies isn't always the greatest (I think I'm the only one hoping that someday, somewhere, a multi disc special edition of Johnny Mnemonic comes out).
Theron:
7. Banned from theaters for one year (first offense)
EXCELLENT answer!
I finally responded.
Sorry I'm such a shit friend.
Love,
J. Barleycorn
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