List Time!

In light of the recent spate of crapola that I've dealt with lately, I decided to reminisce for a bit in order to remind myself that there really are good slasher flicks out there. After staring at the wall and thinking for an hour with a big dumb smile on my face and the slightest hint of drool at the corner of my mouth, a list started to formulate. "Yes," said I softly, "A list! Everyone loves lists. But oh, whatever shall I list? Worst Slasher Hairstyles? Top 6 Pairs of Leg Warmers? Best End Credit Songs? No, those are for another day. Today, I shall keep it simple. Yes, simple. Barkeep! Another Rusty Nail, if you please."

Anyway, yes lists like this are totally subjective and you're free to disagree with me, though I must tell you...disagreeing with me makes you a jerk. But you know, whatevs. Do whatever you want. And now...

The Top 10 Slashers That Aren't Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, or A Nightmare on Elm Street!

10. Terror Train (1980)



I realize that the last time I watched Terror Train (when I reviewed it), I wasn't terribly enamored. But guess what? I gave it another shot recently and I must say...I softened a bit. I still think the Gene Shalit mask is more hilarious than frightening, but the film does have some effectively scary sequences. While the film perfectly fits within the slasher paradigm, the setting (and yes, even the "illusion" theme running throughout) separates Terror Train from the pack.

See? I can change my mind.

9. He Knows You're Alone (1980)



There's a sense of...I don't know, maturity, maybe, that elevates He Knows You're Alone above the typical horny teen-style slasher. Maybe it's the quality of the acting (including a young Tom Hanks in he first onscreen role), or the fact that the women are about to become brides instead of camp counselors; whatever it is, it makes the film a slasher flick for people who don't dig slasher flicks.

Look for the 'movie theatre scene' that was later ripped off...errr, referenced in Scream 2.

8. Hell Night (1981)



Come on, people, let's gork out! This Linda Blair-in-a-poofy-blouse fueled flick is full of more gothic atmosphere and scares than your average episode of Dark Shadows. And you know what? I can't stand Dark Shadows. There, I said it. But I loves me some Hell Night. Often overlooked, it's one of the more original unoriginal films from that magical era.

That makes sense if you think about it.

7. House on Sorority Row (1983)



Here's another slasher film that's often overlooked. House on Sorority Row takes the oft-repeated "prank that comes back to bite you in the ass" formula and manages to make it frightening. Detractors bemoan the lack of gore here, but I'd rather have atmosphere and scares than graphic violence any day- even in my slasher flicks.

6. April Fool's Day (1986)

Folks seem to be fairly divided on April Fool's Day: they love it, or they're jerks.

I kid. The twist ending of this film doomed it at the box office and tends to turn people off...but hey, it works for me. The caliber of the performances really makes April Fool's Day something special- particularly that of the awesome Deborah Foreman. She should be in every movie.

Sorry, I can't find anything on YouTube for this film. YouTube are jerks!

5. The Burning (1981)



Rumor has it that The Burning will be soon seeing a DVD release, something fans have been clamoring for for ages now. The film sticks to the tried-and-true formula: a scary dude stalks teens at a summer camp. So what makes The Burning notable? Well, for starters, Cropsy- that "scary dude"- is actually scary. Add in some prime work from FX maestro Tom Savini, unusual and effective kill sequences (particularly the infamous "raft scene), and those damn garden shears and you've got a flick that's rightfully earned its cult reputation.

4. Just Before Dawn (1980)



From the isolated location to the eerie, perfect soundtrack to the damn crazy cuckoo nutso twins to George Kennedy, Just Before Dawn is unsettling and frightening. This film is a prime example of how effective formula can be when it's well-done all around.

3. My Bloody Valentine (1981)



Another example of getting the formula oh-so-right, this Canadian effort is helped along by a fantastic location (a dark and labyrinthine coal mine) and a truly frightening killer, pissed-off miner Harry Warden.

It seems so easy to get it right- how come so many slasher films get it wrong?

2. Scream (1996)



If spawning countless inferior copycat knockoff flicks is the hallmark of a great film, then it should be no surprise that Wes Craven's Scream is near the top of the list. This movie resurrected the dead and stale slasher genre as it managed to be both cheeky and truly fucking frightening. Unfortunately, the copycats only looked to Scream's self-referential aspects and overlooked the fact that the film also sticks to the formula and does it well. The laughs are balanced- outweighed, even- by some of Craven's finest work; the famous opening sequence ("Do you like scary movies?") is undoubtedly one of the scariest in any horror film.

In its wake, the slasher film quickly became diluted once more with inferior flicks and countless parodies- it's easy to overlook and/or forget how powerful Scream truly is. Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven managed to simultaneously update the formula and adhere to it- that's the sign of a true landmark effort.

1. Black Christmas (1974)



Was there any doubt I'd have this at number 1? It's scary and I love it. 'Nuff said.