From the coolest box art for the worst effing movie department:
Wait...so there's no time to scream, but then I'm silently screaming which isn't even possible to begin with? Quit messing with my head, Silent Scream!
Kitties are "lusting" for humans? Really? Eww.
Okay, yeah yeah, I get the whole mind-Stockholm Syndrome thing. But turning her body against her? What, did they make her punch herself in the face? "Stop hitting yourself..."
I need to see this RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. This casting is way too good to be true.
Uh, yes...yes, it is. Just ask that bitch who almost beat me at Clue that one time...oh wait, you can't. She's dead. Here's the solution: Final Girl in the den with her fists!
That fate is obviously being trapped within a never-ending series of Halloween masks.
So...the jitters are like herpes? Suddenly everything makes sense!
Another round of commentary on posters (rather than just "artwork"). Glad to see it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can't read "Master Blaster" without thinking of Blaster Master, that FUCKING GAME on the 8-bit Nintendo that IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT.
ReplyDelete...I need 8-bit therapy.
If "Abduction" were about her punching herself in the face I would run out and hunt a copy down right now!
ReplyDeleteI remember "Track of the Moon Beast" from MST3K, especially with that song "California Lady".
ReplyDelete"I need to induce vomiting...I've got it! -sings- California laaaayyyy-deee..."
I massively recommend The Boneyard! Watch it and all your dreams will come true, especially the one about the massive mutated poodle called 'Floofsoms'.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't seen The Boneyard yet? Wow. I'm not gonna say it's great (because it isn't), but it is entertaining. For WTF reasons I won't go into.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is on DVD... one of the first ones, IIRC.
early to mid 80s was a golden age for graphic designers, though i doubt they knew it at the time--you had sooo many cheap-ass movies that studios figured they could turn a buck with by slapping on the most eye-grabbing art they could.
ReplyDeleteah, if only i had been working in the field then...
How do you find this stuff?! "The Dorm That Dripped Blood" has to get the coolest title award as well...maybe I hadn't oughta see it so I don't spoil all the awesomeness I'm imagining it to be that it isn't. I'm running not walking for The Bone Yard. And you best believe one of the Fatal Games is Pictionary.
ReplyDeleteIs there anything sadder than a yellowed VHS box?*
ReplyDelete*Yes, I know, "the death of a puppy," blah-blah-blah.
Nice. Coincidentally enough, I recently posted a scan of a Japanese VHS of MASTERBLASTER over at my place.
ReplyDeleteExcellent 'spot!
1. That Master Blaster covers squicks me out.
ReplyDelete2. I want to catch The Jitters.
Is it wrong to find these pictures kinda cute and cuddly and comforting?!?
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I just posted about something similar to this: http://he-shot-cyrus.blogspot.com/2008/09/vhs-cover-nostalgia.html
ReplyDeleteThat girl gun is amazing!
The Jitters-"Once you get/got'em you just can't shake 'em." . . . So I guess that Hollywood currently has "The Jitters" as every other new horror movie is an Asian remake. Quick, send Hollywood some penicillin & "Sars Masks". But I kid Hollywood.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the VHS spin on Awesome Movie Poster day! For more VHS love, check this out:
http://www.critcononline.com/video_companies_cover_art.htm
Also, I enjoy your commentary on the pictures. You should do that more.
Where's the safety on a lady-shaped gun?
Freakin' awesome. Totally reminds me of renting horror movies at The Wherehouse, back when you could still choose between Beta and VHS (the VHS section was way bigger). Then there were those little different colored dot stickers that signified the different prices the rentals were. Sheesh. Those were the days though. Can't say I saw any of these though! Dang. Man, I'm gonna make me a MEDIA t-shirt now!
ReplyDelete"The Boneyard" is currently a "long wait" on Netflix. I blame this blog for spreading awareness. And by "blame" I mean "thank".
ReplyDeleteOh you gotta track down "Grotesque" if you haven't already seen it. Anybody can die at any time, some great 80s movie "punks" (a personal favorite), crazy mutant relatives, and a third act you will NOT see coming.
ReplyDeleteI remember being scared crapless just by the tv trailer for Silent Scream...and then being bored to death for the bulk of the movie. and this was 20+ years ago. I can't imagine watching it now.
ReplyDelete