Obviously I opted to do something a little bit different this time around. Also obvious is the fact that I skimmed over a lot, and I didn't really "review" the movie much per se. Then again, I did draw an eyeless Ida Lupino, so that must be worth something!I also just realized I forgot to use my "Private Club of The Satan's Helpers" joke. Dammit! Oh well. Next time...I'm sure there's plenty of Satanariffic flicks in Final Girl's future. Meanwhile, for more in depth talkin' and reviewin', check out the folks below. Big thanks to all who participated!
Film Club Coolies, y'all!
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A desert ghost town…called Ludlow?!?! [big organ flourish*]
ReplyDelete*Um, that didn't come out exactly right.
Ten-hundred percent rad and definitely much more fun than the movie itself! I'd buy a "melting Satanists" t-shirt and wear it daily.
ReplyDeleteI first saw this movie when I was pretty young and even though I fell asleep it somehow made Ernest Borgnine permanently creepy to me.
That's just beautiful, Stacie. Love it.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget John Travolta!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me aware of this film, I didn't pay attention and reviewed it 2 months ago! I think your comic strip is the best way to review this. It's so incredibly long. It just goes to show you, that when you mix awesomeness like Borgnine, Shatner, Lupino, Satan, pilgrims, and eyeless John Travolta, it can end up like a milkshake made of bacon, eggs, chocolate, jalapenos, sushi and peanut butter.
ReplyDeleteI think that's what their melting faces were made of, actually.
The melting was totally boss, I'll say that much...and the goat version of Borgnine. Otherwise...? It didn't have much of a point, and therefore it felt really padded.
ReplyDeleteI'd say this is prime fodder for a remake, but I don't know...that could be simply because I'd want to see all the melting again- and you know that would be all CGIed.
Wasted potential!
It's so bizarre how padded an 86 minute film with a complicated plot is. Why couldn't they just spend a few more minutes explaining what was happening and cut the looooooooooong stretches of marching?
ReplyDeleteAh well, at least it inspired your kickass comic that I want hanging on my refrigerator.
Great! In fact, I suspect like both the movie and the comic strip more than you do.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh! If you aren't planning to review more films this way in the future, you might be in some serious danger of being kidnapped and made to, like a circus monkey!
ReplyDeleteI'm still waiting for my DVD, but I loved your review comic in advance, and am dorking out over your Priceline joke, unless that was inadvertently awesome. Yay for Film Club Day!
There's a Priceline joke? TOTALLY inadvertent, I promise!!
ReplyDeleteDead on, Stacie. This should have been MUCH better than it actually turned out... when Shatner can't even liven things up, there's a problem.
ReplyDeleteThe ads for this so scared the crap out of me... but the proper audience for this would be the under 16 crowd.
Did anyone else notice that Ernest Borgnine first appears on screen, he's in costume from BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK? Who needs a goat mask? I do admit, EB looked like he was having lots of fun in this.
When I were but a wee lad... about 9 or 10 years old... I stumbled across the last 20 minutes of The Devil's Rain on Saturday afternoon TV. I want to stress that: I saw only the last 20 minutes, out of context, without any of the boring stuff leading up to it. So basically, the experience was like:
ReplyDelete(channel flip) Eh.
(channel flip) Boring.
(channel flip) Seen it.
(channel flip) Not that Godzilla again, the Smog Monster is soooo lame.
(channel flip) Eh.
(channel flip) What the...? There's this old goat guy in a creepy church, and all these people chanting, and then someone breaks a vase or something and OH MY GOD EVERYONE'S MELTING! HOLY COW! This is the MOST DISGUSTING and MOST AWESOME thing I have ever seen in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!
And then after everyone melts for, like, forever, there's a happy ending... except, wait! It's a trick! And now that lady's stuck in a fishbowl screaming for all eternity!
Needless to say, it F-ed my S right UP.
Couldn't wait to see it again, though. In the meantime, I began using waaaay too much shampoo in the shower every morning so I could cover my hands with lather and re-enact the melting scene.
And that's what turned me gay.*
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*(I'm lying. David Bowie as the Goblin King in Labyrinth is what turned me gay... there's no question about it.)
This cartoon is hysterical. I ended up not reviewing the movie b/c as I was thinking of Ernest B. in devil's goat makeup I slipped in the shower and nearly died. I figured, if I'm going to die, I don't want that to be my last image.
ReplyDeleteNo way! Here's the Priceline joke. You don't even know your own awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of this (the real, final, ending, not the meltie fake-out ending) really spooked me when I was a kid. Seeing that nice girl trapped like that was Grade A Prime 70s horror at its finest.
ReplyDelete