Bloggenaire: Arbogast on Film

Arbogast of Arbogast on Film is a man of mystery. Or maybe he's a woman of mystery- I mean, this is the internet, so who knows for sure? Regardless, its blog is one of those that I read and I get all "Hurrr. Pretty write." I'm just erudite that way.

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

I was messing around in blogspot one day when SexInfo101.com was down for maintenance to see what a blog would look like if I were to have one and then all of a sudden I had one and needed to fill it with stuff.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

I like to think of it as the coolest three-ring binder ever found in the wake of a trade school massacre. It’s morboelectricomagnetaesthetic!

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

Poorly reasoned, diffidently acted and hastily shot movies can sometimes cut through to the bone of a matter. I’d much rather watch MANDINGO than MISSISSIPPI BURNING or MARS NEEDS WOMEN than CONTACT.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

Say, that is pretty gnarly.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Probably the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, whose time-release genius is revealed to me in glistening chunks year after year.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

When I saw CREEPSHOW back in 1983, somebody was smoking a cigar somewhere in the cinema and my mind branded the stink of that stogie on Adrienne Barbeau’s character, so I can never feel the same MAUDE-era stirrings for her that I once did, through no fault of her own.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

People should read my blog so they know what they’re not missing.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

If Jigsaw is like 90% of people working in horror these days, he was born into money.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which of the following is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

I enjoy seeing humanity tested and behavior altered by experience. That preference isn’t restricted to horror movies but horror is the genre that really puts the screws to mankind. When filmmakers shortchange humanity, I lose interest. I was watching Carnie Wilson on CELEBRITY GHOST STORIES last night and her retelling of a paranormal encounter got to me because her reaction was specific and personal, not generic or ironic.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1977. In two words – SUSPIRIA, yo.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

You will squander your salad years trying to figure out the French. As long as they keep refilling your water glass and coming across with the baguettes, smile knowingly.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

THE KILLER SHREWS, natch.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

For the same reason I watched it – to inflate my own ego.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

After death, I would like to be put into a simple pine coffin and lowered into the mossy New England soil. I really want to rot.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

She has a schoolmarm severity in the way she handles Rupert Pupkin that is beguiling in a low watt dominatrix kind of way. We want her to dominate us in a cream pantsuit. We want to smell the Nescafe on her breath as she berates and belittles us.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

After I clear customs, I’ll see you in Hell!

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Use it, don’t use it.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I’ve never gone wrong with www.KillthePopeofGreenwichVillageYourself.com

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

I loved that character. The wind went out of that movie’s sails when he or she died.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

The 30s. If only this Depression would inspire such genius.

21) Would you rather be:
1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

2) a witch/warlock: Sorcerers have it all. They set their own hours, wear what they like, and when they paw a woman’s breasts it’s religion.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

No, because those words were really funny! You should have seen the look on your face!

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

That reading my reviews helps Haiti.
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Big thanks to Arbogast! Kids, if you're a horror blogger and you want to be featured here, then read and find out how. Meanwhile, keep your dial set to Final Girl for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!