Bloggenaire: Casey Criswell, Cinema Fromage

Cinema Fromage's motto is "We watch crap so you don't have to." While I admire their altruism, at the end of the day they don't actually prevent me from watching crap...therefore, I'm still in the midst of, say, The fucking Cavern before I know what's going on. What's up with that, Casey? You need to help me, because I clearly cannot help myself.

Gnnnnahh I hate The Cavern SO MUCH.


1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

I sat for years saying ‘I want to be a writer!’ followed by ‘I don’t know what to write’. Eventually it dawned on me that all of my friends were generally dismayed and astounded by my love of bad horror movies, or you could say ‘Cheesy Movies’. I’m fairly thick-skulled, so it took awhile to sink in. Eventually, I happened across an article on writing that preached ‘write what you know’. I’m not a film expert by any means, I went to college for music and computers, but I did love a lot of bad horror films. So then I pressed start and Cinema Fromage was born.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

Warning: Cinema Fromage contains a morbid fascination with cheese as presented with the aesthetic of year-old mold. Beware of the electromagnetic pull as the words pour into your brain; they have been known to induce seizures on the weak minded. Should you find yourself sweating as you comprehend the sheer amount of b-cinema this one man partakes on any given day, please consult your local physician as soon as possible.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

Most definitely. First of all, I am a firm believer that it is possible to find something to enjoy in any movie out there. It may only be something as minute as ‘that makeup scar on that one zombie was really cool’, but you find it if you want to bad enough. Beyond that, as much as I want to consider myself a blogger, film critic or whatever, watching movies should be first and foremost fun, and when you’re having a good laugh? It’s always fun!

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

I did not know that. It makes me a bit scared to visit New Zealand though. I’m a bit on the hairy side and might easily be mistaken for a woolly sheep by a near-sighted Cannibal Parrot. I’ve uh…got a lot of fat around my kidneys too.

Is there a horror fan Kane Hodder hasn't choked? If he chokes them all, who will be left to sign an internet petition to get him back as Jason?

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Something Wicked This Way Comes! It’s all about Jonathon Pryce and that beard! Er…it’s a good movie too. But really, everything about that movie is the embodiment of lying in bed late at night when you were 10 years old imagining you heard something moving around outside on a fall night. That’s good stuff folks.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Hubba. Hubba. Adrienne’s the original ass kicking leading lady! When Adrienne came along, your scream queens were no longer running about topless and hiding in the worst possible spots when being chased by a masked killer. No, she stood up, kicked ass and took names!

And for the cool aside; I met Adrienne at Horror Hound Weekend last year in Indianapolis. Despite the long lines, crowds wanting to take her picture, etc. she was still a sweetheart and very nice. Beyond that, she noticed my 8-year-old daughter standing with me. She took the time to walk out from behind the table, kneel down to my daughter’s level, and a have a full blown conversation about her time doing voices for Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. Adrienne Barbeau? She’s all class.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

By god, if I’m going to take the time to type it up there, the least you could do is take the time to read it. But not really.

As I said before, I’m no expert on the finer points of film, but I know what I like. I aim to provide a look at movies from the view of everybody else out there reading instead of a high strung and lofty word using film school critic. Nothing against them at all, but sometimes people need to know what people just like them thought of a movie. That’s what you’re going to find at Cinema Fromage.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

He owns all those warehouses, there has to be a meth lab or two in there somewhere! He was obviously a pretty smart guy, so it’s easy to assume that he would have invested his meth profits pretty wisely. He’s not just going to throw it about willy-nilly on ipods and stuff. You’d think at some point though it would have dawned on him to spend some of that money on his cancer treatments since he was rejected by his insurance, but eh… he was having fun. As for the engineering background, I can’t say. He could just be one of those guys like my father-in-law who likes to find the most difficult solution for a simple problem!

You don't want to know where that hose leads. Or maybe you do!

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

The closest would have to be the relief theory, but it doesn’t fit completely. More than anything, it’s simple escapism. Despite how frustrating your day has been up until now? That person getting hacked apart on your TV screen is having a worse day than you are! Going even further beyond, we all deal with relationships, awkward situations, drama and the like all day, every day. If I want to escape for a bit? I don’t want to sit and watch and a movie that rehashes everything I’ve already dealt with today such as drama, awkward situations or depressing stuff. Action movies fit in well here too though, because watching things explode is always good old fashioned escapism too!

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981. Fashion sense, disco was dead, the rise of punk, uh…boobs, that kind of stuff. More than anything, I was 4 in 1977 and I was 7 in 1981. It’s probably as simple as I could identify more with the social norms that film makers were playing with in those days. In ’77, I didn’t really care if it didn’t involve Star Wars or Bugs Bunny.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

I don’t know, but I like what they’re doing! Those folks are pretty intense! Maybe it has something to do with all the snails they like to eat.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

For a modern spin, I freaking loved Grizzly Park! Brody the Bear was pretty awesome for a bear.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

Because it really wasn’t that bad! Sure, it wasn’t the original, but the first one was a big old fashioned fanboy salute! As for the second one, your guess is as good as mine. Come on Rob, step up and prove the haters wrong; let somebody else write the script, you do the directing. Then they’ll get on board.


14) What are your funereal wishes?

Don’t embalm me, my ass is coming back.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

From what I’ve seen, I think you have a strong fondness for poofy hair in the 80’s!

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

“Dear, I told you to stop and ask directions back at the marina.”

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Just have the pizza rolls ready when I show up after the funeral and everything will be okay.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Ask that twitchy guy that works down at Home Depot. He’s got his own stash in the back room. He will charge you a little extra for a finders fee though.

I don't know why Casey's so scared. Pinhead is clearly wasted.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Yes, that asshole! I couldn’t believe it took that long either! At least we got the satisfaction of seeing THAT happen to him.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

I have a strong nostalgic bond to the 80’s just because that’s when I grew up and when I started watching them and experimenting with horror. There are a lot of strong memories of late nights watching 80’s horror flicks with my dad which always make them just a bit more warm and fuzzy. That, and the hair.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

A Frankenstein! Have you ever seen me in the morning? I’m already half way there!


22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

Put your little hand in mine, there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb. Babe. You get me?

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

Cinema Fromage contains ZERO TRANS FATS!

And yes, ‘Criswell’ is my real name, not a pen name in homage to ‘The Amazing Criswell’. Pretty nifty co-winkydink though!

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When he's not tooling around at Cinema Fromage, Casey can be found at Bloody Good Horror. Clearly he's a GD overachiever. Stay tuned for anther exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!