Bloggenaire: Emily Intravia, Deadly Doll's House...

...of Horror Nonsense! If long blog titles are any indication of quality, then Emily's blog is the knees. Of course, there's no correlation between the length of a blog title and the merit of the posts. Still, The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense is the shit.


1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

When dining with a dear/dearly honest friend who pointed out that I'd spent most of our first round of margaritas talking about horror movies and perhaps I should do something more productive, like write about them (presumably to be read by other nerdy film fans and not her).

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

The Deadly Doll's House offers reviews of often morbid(ly) unwatched (and often unwatchable) movies that are typically less aesthetic(ally) pleasing than your middle school lunch lady. Often it's electromagnetic and stuff gets burned. Then Nicolas Cage starts to shout and things get messy.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

I've often referred to myself as a film snob with bad taste because yes, I love a film just can't get it right. At the same time, "bad" is often a misused adjective. Killer Klowns From Outer Space is wacky and offbeat, but it totally succeeds at its goal. The Wicker Man remake, on the other hand, is an insane mess of epic proportions and highly offensive at that, but I'll take it with a jar of honey any day over something like Howard's End.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

And amazing. Also the subject of David Cronenberg’s next project, except the parrots have sex with the fat and the sheep kind of enjoy it.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Dawn of the Dead, but then I’d get zombified in a most uncomfortable manner. Killer Klowns From Outer Space, but I don't want clowns (or klowns) anywhere near my special parts. Child's Play, but we know Chucky is fertile and I don't want to carry his seed, even if it turns out to be as adorable as Glen or Glenda. Safest pants pick? The Wicker Man. And THAT's the ONE.


6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

I had this weird jadedness about her as a child because for some reason, my mother DESPISED the woman. Same thing happened with my father and John Landis. Hence, I grew up thinking both were evil, eeeeviiiiiiiiiil until I finally started watching their work and realized otherwise.

That was the day I knew I was a woman.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

'Cause it's a much better way to waste time than some Facebook game about farm animals. And where else can you learn lessons from such classic films as Santa Claws, Rawhead Rex, and Death Bed: The Bed That Eats? Also, I like phake cyber phriendship so I always reply to any comments left on my posts. Love me. Please.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

Voiceover work.

Actually I think it's slightly explained in Part V, aka the Saw Film That Advances One Plot Point and Otherwise Is Notable For a Guy Getting Squished Inside a Wall. He was big on investing and stuff. Or something. In Part VI, his wife is living it up in a luxury apartment and I don't think methadone clinic doctors make big bucks, so maybe Jigsaw's dummies hit it big in an alternate universe and he gets Tickle-Me-Billy residuals. Or more likely, he invented the Snuggie.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

Perhaps b, providing we're talking about 'scary' horror films. I do still get extremely excited when I discover, at this souring age, a new film that makes me jump. Then I squeal. Later, it's immensely rewarding and enjoyable to discuss why something like Kairo gave me nightmares or what made The Descent cause me to sleep with a night light on for the first time in years. With a few random exceptions--say, the moving documentary Young@Heart or Up--I haven't really FELT anything watching a non-genre film with nearly the same intensity as a genre film, whether it's simple discomfort from the creepiness of Tourist Trap or all-out glee from something like the martial arts cannibal masterpiece, We're Going to Eat You. You just don't get that talking about Revolutionary Road or The English Patient.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

In 1981, I was brewing inside my mother's womb which seems to mean something important. Sure, '77 had Suspiria, but ’81 had Bloody Birthday and THE best death-by-dodgeball scene of all time in a little classic called Fear No Evil.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

There was a time when the guillotine was a hotter ticket than Hannah Montana and hey, these are the same people who pioneered the Grand Guignol. But today? Who knows. While I've seen all the recent hits, I'm not familiar with exactly when those crazy kids got killing. I'm guessing a film or two hit big and, being so close and French, other filmmakers instantly caught on and a new dynasty was born. Plus, my stereotypical knowledge leads me to say they start drinking at a really young age, so the bitterness must start early.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

They're all beyond amazing, but for nostalgia's sake, I'll say Empire of the Ants. Joan Collins gets chased by giant---well, sometimes giant, sometimes the size of a mini schnauzer--radioactivated killer ants trying to lull mankind into servitude to its queen. Awful, wonderful, and all things great.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

Two words: Brad. Dourif.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

My body will be MIA, as one of the only things I genuinely believe in when it comes to life is organ donation. As for the rest, I'm hoping what doesn't make the cut is crammed into a lava lamp which will then illuminate an ice cream shop, where my friends and family can remember the good times while eating hot fudge. Also, there will be karaoke.


15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

Some people believe in the idea of cinematic soulmates and perhaps you've simply found yours. Embrace it and start mailing her chocolate covered strawberries and photoshopped pictures of you two posed like Laverne & Shirley or Bert & Ernie.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

"You can't fire me, I quit!" Just cause I've always wanted to say that and it would be my last chance.

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

And I swear you're now in my will to sing "I Believe I Can Fly" at my wake. Backup vocals provided by Michael Jordan.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Dolly Parton's Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (in soap form). There you will also find Zagnut bars, religious themed t-shirts with such clever puns as "Jesus Died For MySpace In Heaven," and quaint charm.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Only if he wasn't the most entertaining character in THAT MOVIE (RIP that dude in The Final Destination).

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

My natural comfort zone remains the '80s, simply because that's my basis of cinematic history. The more I explore other eras, however, the more I come to appreciate each for its own merits. At the moment, I'm discovering an incredible world of 1970s cinema that goes beyond zombies or sharks. Hail Satan!

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Werewolves never seem to enjoy themselves, as they're still burdened with that whole 27 days of the month as a human thing. I'm not a night person, so vampire is out. Frankie's got issues and can't get a date, and witches are apparently really bad boat captains. So I'll be A Jaws swimming in witchy waters. Plus I love seafood, and I imagine A Jaws gets to eat a lot of shrimp.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

If I could turn back time I'd make it my priority to release a stink bomb on the set of the It's Alive remake. Then we'll talk.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

It's free.

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Big thanks to Emily. Stay tuned for anther exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!