The Last Exorcism opens this Friday. Are you worried that with all the possession-flavored movies on the market, you'll be mired in head-spinning and puking to the point where you can't tell your Regans from your Emily Roses from your Nells? It's understandable- you're not alone. That's why I made this flowchart to help everyone figure things out. Because I care!
EDITED TO ADD: No, I did not include every possession/exorcism movie ever made in this chart, thank you, I realize that. Like lists, when I post these things they're meant to be pleasant, horror-centric, time-wasting diversions that, perhaps, start discussion. They're not meant to be all-inclusive.
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Quite the handy little field-guide, as it were...
ReplyDeleteMissing loads of other movies out.
ReplyDeleteIs 'Goat rimming' an important theme?
I like my girls hairy from the waist down! Only I call them boys, and they're hairy in every direction. I have lost control of this thought. Point being, you liked The Last Exorcism then? I'm trying not to excite myself too much but I am excited nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI knew that variations on "you forgot this" would come up immediately. No, I did not intend this to be an all-inclusive thing, charting every possession movie ever made. I intended this to be a funny diversion.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how "important" goat-rimming is thematically, for I imagine that depends on personal...tastes. However, it it certainly a noteworthy enough scene to include it here to differentiate The Antichrist from other films. It's a rather notorious scene, the one people mention when talking about the movie.
I did like The Last Exorcism, although the ads are pitching it a bit wrongly, IMO. It's not straight-up razzle dazzle horror. It leaves a lot of doors open for discussion in the end, which is nice.
ReplyDeleteThis, Stacie, is excellent! You bring me great joy.
ReplyDeleteCould you draw the same thing for zombie movies please?
ReplyDeleteLove it! Spot on and hilarious.
ReplyDeleteFabulous stuff. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteRumor has it that goat rimming is going to be a demonstration sport at the 2020 Summer Olympic Games.
ReplyDeleteNo word yet on distances/formats. 50 meters sounds right to me, in a purely theoretical way.
You could have had a branch in your flowchart that read "Is Linda Blair dressed up in a giant ice cream cone costume, shouting 'LICK ME! LICK ME!'", and the YES resolution would have been "Repossessed".
Cheers,
A.J.
Aaah, you're right! I've never actually seen REPOSSESSED (probably why it never would have occurred to me), but I missed a good opportunity for another branch.
ReplyDelete"Did someone rim a goat?" = win!!!
ReplyDeleteNot, like...ahem...for me personally. Just the joke. Dig?
The "No: Dummy" part made me laugh so stupidly hard. I stand by this, judge me as you will.
ReplyDeleteWonderful, Stacie!
ReplyDeleteAnd YES, sir (or madam), goat rimming IS an important theme. In fact, it's THE important theme. "The Exorcist," in leaving it out, is all the weaker for it.
Goat rimming just happens to be in my favourite nasty, Island Of Death, I haven't seen The Antichrist but I bet it doesn't have cool hippy music and a hottie like Celia (and phonebox sex that Tarantino ripped off).
ReplyDeletePlease do some more flow charts, this made me piss my pants :p
I wonder where Amityville II: The Possession would fit...
ReplyDeleteSeconding request for further genre-specific flowcharts, due to the fact that this one was hilarious and awesome.
ReplyDeleteZombies would be my preference as well, but we'd gladly accept anything, as long as it's funny!
Note to self, go see The Antichrist. It ain't a proper movie unless someone rims a goat.
ReplyDeletehaaaaaa
Holy shit! The Antichrist was my answer. ..... The chart really worx!
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff. Though I wouldn't mess with this shit! ;)
ReplyDelete