Friday the 13th Victim of the Week: Ethel Hubbard

Does Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning get a bad rap when it's called a terrible movie?

Of course not. It's a terrible movie, with a terribleosity that's deeper than a simple...well, terribleness. See, fans didn't like it when, at the film's end, the face beneath the infamous hockey mask reveals that the killer is Roy the paramedic and not Jason the Voorhees. It doesn't feel like a neat twist on the series, although Jason purportedly dies in The Final Chapter and this is purportedly A New Beginning so the imposter angle sort of makes sense. That's beside the point. Dagummit, Jason is Jason and that is that!

However, I'm not here to argue the plot or the Roy or the anything except the Friday the 13th Victim of the Week (and yes I use the word "week"...umm...loosely), and that victim is...

Ethel Hubbard (F13 V: A New Beginning)

Dudes, I don't know what happened to me. I fully intended to have the amazing Violet (who I've mentioned before) as the VotW...but then Farmer Ethel (Carol Locatell) came on the screen and I lost all control. ALL CONTROL I SAY. I've always pretty much hated Ethel and her loudmouthed son Junior. In fact, I've always pretty much hated this movie, with the exception of Violet and her hair and her dance moves...but today, something changed. Something changed within me, friends, and I don't know if I'll ever go back. Suddenly- oh so suddenly- my hate turned to love! Suddenly I found Ethel to be hilarious and amazing, and a fondness for all of Friday the 13th Part V bloomed within my heart like...I don't know, a flower or some shit. Junior still sucks, but Ethel is where it's at, baby!

She comes blasting into our lives on the back of a dirt bike; it seems a couple of "perverts" from the "loony bin" were humping in her yard, so she gives the sheriff and the whole loony bin a piece of her mind. She threatens to blow their heads off with a shotgun, and she claims to have a bomb on her.



While I don't condone the violence, Ethel kind of has a point. If troubled teens repeatedly humped in your yard, wouldn't you do something about it? I would. And, like Ethel's, my something would probably include this:

Ethel goes on with her miserable existence, holed up in her filthy farmhouse with her awful son. Their one bright spot seems to be her fabulous stew, although she occasionally spits in it. Hey, maybe they're into that. Who am I to judge?

I think she really won my heart when she called her son a "big dildo". I swear, she's like a little Adrienne Barbeau-as-dirt farmer! No wonder I'm under Ethel's spell. I could make a list of cinematic women who use inappropriate language with authority and it would be a list of characters who tickle me to no end. I don't know why it took me so long to add Farmer Ethel to that list, but she's there now and that's all that matters.

In one of the loudest and most obnoxious scenes in the film, Ja--err...Roy puts an end to Junior's big mouth and Ethel meets her end while cooking another batch of her famous stew- oh, if only we could all die while doing something that we love!






Mind you, if this was Part One, that cleaver would have been buried in Ethel's forehead- not simply implied to be such as she plops face-down amongst the vegetables. Still, it's nice to see that the time-honored Friday the 13th tradition of people squeezing produce as they die is being upheld here (see also: Banana Girl).

Oh Ethel. I'm sorry I've neglected your greatness these long years. I've finally rectified that, though, by naming you Victim of the Week!

Yes, it's truly a subtle performance.