Hey wait, that wasn't too bad: THE SHRINE (2010)

Boy oh boy do I spend a lot of time sifting through crap when trying to find something to watch on Netflix. Well, okay, to clarify: sifting through perceived crap. That's right! I totally judge books movies by their covers even though my parents taught me better. And really, I should know better, especially when it comes to horror- cover art nowadays is just the worst and has no bearing on the quality of the film itself. But still...dime-a-dozen artwork coupled with a not-so-great-rating menage à troising with a cast of unknowns means I'm probably going to zip right by you, movie. I'm sorry. You can judge me, I deserve it.

And heck, maybe I've learned my lesson! (I haven't) After all, for the reasons outlined above, I zipped past The Shrine a bunch of times until some friends told me I really ought to check it out. I stopped zipping, checked it out, and hey wait, it wasn't too bad.

Carmen (Cindy Sampson) is a young reporter who smells a hot story cookin' in Poland- American tourists are disappearing. Her editor, though, disagrees that there's any mystery afoot and instead sends Carmen to investigate a story about bees.

Apparently Carmen has never seen The Swarm and therefore she does not understand that bees can be our greatest friends and also our greatest enemies, and that it could be a BLOCKBUSTER STORY...and thus she storms off to Poland regardless, her boyfriend Marcus (Aaron Ashmore) and intern Sara (Meghan Heffern) in tow.

Reporter powers...activate! Form of...good-looking young people!

"OH PLEASE NO," you may be saying to yourself. "Let me guess...The Shrine is really just Hostel Part Whatever Number They're Up To Now, isn't it?"

Believe me, friends, I was saying that to myself as well. I probably even rolled my eyes! But The Shrine has many lessons to teach us about prejudice...in fact, I don't think it's too brash to say that The Shrine may be this generation's "Free Your Mind".

So what is happening to those tourists if they're not being tortured because of reasons? Well, I guess you'll just have to watch it and find out, won't you? There are religious ceremonies, isolated villages with something to hide- you know, lots of horror chestnuts. There's also gore that'll make you cringe, some incredibly creepy sequences, and some pleasant surprises for those fans who are all jaded about dem horror chestnuts. It's a surprisingly mean movie.

Mind you, there's also some dodgy special effects and and characters who do things that...you know, stupid characters in scary movies do, but in the end I didn't mind so much. In fact, I didn't much mind at all- The Shrine is effective and dagummit, I really liked it. It's an original take on some old faves....and aren't horror fans always crying out for originality? Yes. Can a movie be both original and familiar? Yes. Don't be like me- don't zip by this one when it pops up on Netflix. But then do be like me and take a chance on it. Mixed messages, I know. I'm sorry. Just free your mind and the rest will follow, I swear.