I don't know about you, but for moi, gone are the days of rushing to the local thee-ay-tur on Friday to see any old new thing solely because it's a horror movie. Yeah, the pandemic played a part in changing my habits for sure. But mostly I think it's that I've pretty much gone full "Where are my Werther's Originals?" and if I don't want to see something desperately enough...I just don't! Lawd knows that as a horror blogger (nail polish emoji) I used to feel...obligated? Mmm, more like obligated lite, maybe...to see it all and keep up with the news and weigh in on things so I could be like...
They're remaking The Fog??? Why? It's going to be so bad! There,
Don't get me wrong, the lights haven't completely gone out here yet, I'm writing for Rue Morgue magazine, and I blather on a weekly podcast and other places occasionally, so I'm still THAT'S MY OPINIONing all over the place. (Ask me about Halloween Ends Bangs Part Two!) But, uh...that's mostly opinioning about old stuff. New horror movies though, I don't often join in the immediate conversations anymore and that suits me just fine.
The point (I think? Who even knows anymore) is that I did not see Old when it released last year because I had no interest. But last week, when the Riunite hit me? I thought to myself...I wanna watch Old! And so I did (incredible storyteller emoji).
It was as supremely stupid as ATM, another dumb concept 70 pound baby of a movie I simply had to see. Like ATM, it was a compelling watch if only to see how that dumb concept plays out. People go to a beach? And the beach makes them old? Honey, pass me a Werther's, I'm in!
I was so entertained by Old. It is completely insane, and I was the very emoji of delight throughout the entire thing. I can't tell if Old knows it's stupid, but really it doesn't matter a whit. Old might now be my best friend. In fact, I'm going to buy those best friend necklaces and give the half-heart that says
ST
to one character in particular...
THE BEACH IN OLD (2021)
Look how beautiful and serene she is! Don't you just want to...lie down? Soak up some rays? Smell that salt air? HAHAHA you're old now! GOTCHA!
Now, I am not going to give away all of her secrets. Yes, of course there are secrets! This is an M. Night Shyamalan movie after all and as you know, he invented twists in the 1999 film The Sixth Sense. You should find out what mysteries like in all of her nooks and crannies for yourself. But find out you definitely should, especially if you've got some Riunite on hand.
THAT'S MY OPINION!
Stacie Ponder…. Never had I dreamed the day would come where I found out you love Old! Old has everything a girl could want. The beautiful beach, a code (which when I saw you wrote about this I was like omg I’m going to send my comment in the code… but then I realized those symbols are not on a keyboard. Better put my Internet fingers away), special rocks, Alex Wolff’s beauty mark, and most importantly Ken Leung from critically acclaimed (me I’m the critic) film Saw.
ReplyDeleteI’m really glad you liked it, it makes me happy to think you took a shot watching something new, gambling hours of your life as a national treasure away, and loved it. I hope you and Annabelle go to that beach and disintegrate into dust holding hands on your honeymoon. I heard the resort is really cheap. I’ll send you the Groupon.
-Kaitlin