- YES I know I keep talking about all these series I want to do here at Final Girl, but I really want to cover all the Stepford sequels that are out there. There aren't that many, but they are all made-for-TV and they have incredible casts! ("So why don't you shut up and do one of these series already?" -- you, probably)
- I (re)watched The House That Screamed during the 2023 SHOCKtober festivities thanks to its appearance on an earlier SHOCKtober favorites list and man, it's so good.
- Under the Shadow: underrated!
- A reader on WNUF Halloween Special: "Chris LaMartina made a more believable found footage film with $1,500 than so many others given buckets of cash, it actually looks like it was recorded on a tape! This is one of those things big budget found footage movies never seem to get right; WNUF proves how important this lo-fi quality is to the genre’s aesthetic and overall effectiveness. Most of the movie plays out as a nostalgic throwback to pre-2000s era local Halloween programming: the perfect background vibe while trick or treaters come and go until things take a horrifying turn in the film’s final moments."
- I am not sure if I've ever actually seen The Fly (1958) in its entirety, but I've seen clips--maybe in Terror in the Aisles or something like that, who knows. But I was very young and the whole "Help me" scene really upset me. It didn't scare me, it made me very little-kid sad even though I'm sure it's goofy as all hell. There's a sadness innate to the tale, of course, whether told in 1958 or 1986, but that little clip alone was just one of those things that'll get you sometimes, you know? Especially when you're a softie yoot.
- And then there's
MaudeThreads. No U! S! A! The Day After "we'll get through this!" takes on nuclear war on the BBC side of the pond, that's for sure. It's one of the bleakest films I've ever seen, good lawd.
Oct 17, 2024
SHOCKtober: 368-341
Chilling Classics Cthursday: SLASHED DREAMS (1975)
Given its title and the fact that the DVD's cardboard sleeve boasts "Starring: Robert Englund," I was surprised that I'd never given Slashed Dreams a go. However, now that it's in my rearview mirror I see that skipping it was my past self doing me a kindness. Thanks, me!
I came down with a big case of the uh-ohs right away, with the title card looking like something added hastily in iMovie when production realized they'd forgotten to include an opening credits sequence.
Turns out, I wasn't so far off the mark. The film was released in '75 as Sunburst, but Englund's Elm Street fame and the rise of the home video market gave an enterprising distributor a bright idea circa 1985: Give it a quasi nightmare-slasher title and slap some salacious artwork on the VHS box. With this cover, one wonders how many horror fans nabbed it at the video store with, you know, expectations.
Would those same horror fans have rented it if the cover still bore the art from the film's original poster?
At least their expectations might have aligned with what they got: a holdover hippie flick about finding yourself, feeling feelings, and, uh, learning how to simply be mind over matter about things, even if that one of those things is rape. Yes folks, we've got another Chilling Classics outlier (à la Death Rage and Medusa), a not-horror movie that's been dumped in yon Creek de Mill.
Mind you, even if you were to watch Sunb--uh, Slashed Dreams knowing what it actually is, there's a good chance you'd still end up disappointed. It is a slog-and-a-half, padded beyond belief with full five-minute scenes of people walking, or driving, or sitting. It's not so much "poorly paced" as it is "not paced." Like, somehow it completely defies everything we know about time as it moves ever-forward. It's kind of admirable, in its own way.
We begin at A College, where Jenny receives a letter from her old friend Michael, who has ditched the trappings of The Man to go live in the woods as many a headstrong young fellow has done throughout the ages. Unlike those headstrong young fellows you read about in non-fiction, Michael seems to be thriving. After breaking up with her boorish, wealthy boyfriend Marshall, Jenny goes on a trip to find Michael along with Robert, another childhood friend who might turn out to be her One True Love.
During their journey, they make a pit stop at a small town general store, where they find The Proprietor (that's his name in the credits!) performing for an audience of no one in his back room. He then sings them a song, which is because The Proprietor is portrayed by the legendary 1920s crooner Rudy Vallée, and if you're going to get a Rudy Vallée cameo in your film you'd might as well let him sing.
Jenny and Robert continue on their way and we get so many scenes of them hiking and walking. SO MANY. There is a brief brown bear encounter, and then more walking and hiking. All of these types of scenes are set to ENTIRE tunes...warbled...by Roberta Van Dere. These songs sound like something that didn't make the cut on any volume of the Time-Life Singers and Songwriters series, but you might find them on, say, a "Songwriters and Singers" compilation CD sold for $5.99 at a truck stop. You know, they're like the musical equivalent of the Mill Creek Entertainment 50 Movie Pack Chilling Classics 12-DVD Collection. When they do feature a singer you know by name, the song is a z-side of the absolute shittiest quality imaginable. No I would never buy one or more of those CDs why do you ask!!!
The point is, these songs will make or--oh hell, they're just gonna break you.
Also I love that the picture quality is so bad, this screencap looks like an impressionist painting.
They arrive at Michael's cabin, but Michael is nowhere to be found. Also, calling it a "cabin" feels generous, as this place is literally made of sticks and it's got giant, gaping holes in the roof. It kind of makes Jason's lean-to in Friday the 13th Part 2 look positively luxurious.
As Robert and Jenny are engaging in a little platonic skinny-dipping (they are truly an iconic will they-or-won't they couple!!!) when they're happened upon by two local Cletuses, Danker and Levon, played by Sunburst co-writers David Pritchard and James "not Stacy" Keach. (Fun fact: James "not Stacy" Keach was once married to Holly "not Judy" Collins!)
Oct 16, 2024
SHOCKtober: 396-369
Okay, you know I obviously hate to give spoilers around here and I never do, but just this once I will let you in on a secret: Today's chunk o' list is the last chunk o' list to consist solely of films that received one vote each. I bet you won't be able to sleep tonight because you'll be so excited for tomorrow! But let's concentrate on the now, because we've got some real bangers in this bunch.
396. Bad Dreams -- 1988, Andrew Fleming- A reader on Attack of the Beast Creatures: "Okay it isn't *scary* but this a great time guaranteed!" I mean just look at the gif, do you have any doubts?
- Attack the Block came out in 2011? 2011? TWENTY ELEVEN??
- There's a special place in my heart for Bad Dreams. It's got a great cast (EG motherfucking Daily! Bruce Abbott! Dean Cameron! Richard Lynch! JENNIFER RUBIN!! Why, even Susan Rattan is there!), a nice twist on the standard slasher formula...heck, considering it's a slasher from 1988, it's pretty damn good.
- Speaking of 1988, I always forget that Renny Harlin directed NoES 4. Actually, I always forget that Renny Harlin has a sizable horror filmography. What can I say, when I think "Renny Harlin" I think "early 90s action movies." Actually, scratch that--when I think "Renny Harlin" I think "Geena Davis."
- A reader on A Vacation in Hell, which BY THE WAY is made-for-TV: "where else you gonna see Barbara Feldon (Get Smart), Priscilla Barnes (Three’s Company) and Maureen McCormick (Brady Bunch) romping through a jungle covered in sweat and mosquitos?"
- Speaking of made-for-TV...ANTS! Oh my crap I love Ants! I love that it comes with a built-in exclamation mark in one title, and the other title is It Happened at Lakewood Manor which is so cool. If you like animals run amok movies, trust me, you should see Ants! Though be warned, you may never want to watch anything else.
- Speaking of never watching anything else...Amityville 4, what more can I say.
- A reader on Aunt Alejandra, which I really want to see now: "What could go wrong when you let your great aunt who happens to be a grand witch stay with you and your family in your cramped Mexico City apartment?"
- Speaking of other things I really want to see now, I gotta gotta gotta see A Page of Madness. Bless this list and that one reader for putting it on my radar!
Oct 15, 2024
SHOCKtober: 424-397
Ayyyy, fancy meeting you here! And boy, what a time to be meetin' here, as we crack the 400 barrier and inch ever closer to movies that earned multiple votes. But for now? More films that received one vote each and await your eyeballs.
424. Cape Fear -- 1991, Martin Scorsese- Ah, Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker...or is that Night Warning...a movie with not one but two "uh...okay? no idea what that means" titles. I'm so glad it's gotten some These Modern Times re-releases because for so long it was hard to find and woefully underseen--though really it's probably still woefully underseen, and that's a crime. It's bonkers and juicy and it goes without saying that Susan Tyrell makes it more than worth your while.
- Nice to see some unexpected films in this list-chunk: Bound and Beloved.
- "Blood of Dracula's Castle" sounds like such a made-up title! I mean, all titles are made-up titles, of course, but you know what I mean. It would have made a fine episode of Ghostella's Haunted Tomb back in the day is what I am saying.
- A reader on the inimitable, unexplainable Blood Diner: "Slapstick gory humor, gratuitous nudity, gratuitous KUNG FU nudity, random talking dummy that everyone acknowledges as a normal human, multiple actors who aren’t actors, several quotable lines. The humans in this movie don’t speak or act like real humans, and that only dials up the cartoonish gore and vaudevillian inspired comedy even more."
- For some reason I've been thinking about rewatching Blair Witch lately. Should I? Apparently one reader would say yes. I saw it in the theatre and didn't like it--was that just because it was 2016? Was it because I hold The Blair Witch Project too dear? I feel like I should give it another chance.
- Goodness gracious I love Bloody Birthday. I really do adore a killer kids flick and I think that's one of the best.
Oct 14, 2024
SHOCKtober: 452-425
No time for fun and games around here today! I done got my two shots earlier and my arm hurts and it's making me cranky. But hey, I know what'll lift my spirits a bit: some more of your favorite horror movies that got one vote each.
452. Curtains -- 1983, Richard Ciupka- Ohhhhh how can I possibly be cranky on a day where I get to type the words Children of the Corn and Cathy's Curse? Two great tastes that don't necessarily taste great together, but also don't...not...taste great together.
- I've no idea what year it was or how old I was, but in my yoot I saw Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things on TV and it legit scared me so badly that I haven't seen it since and even the title alone is enough to give me pause! While plenty of other movies have terrified me over the years, it's the only one to have that specific effect on me. themoreyouknow dot jpg!
- A reader on Cube (1997): "Every time I watch it I try to understand the math and then look up an explanation and still don’t understand it. It’s fun!"
- Cruising as horror! I like it. Maybe it always has been considered such...? I haven't seen it in, like, 20 years at this point and I should really revisit it.
- Oh Curtains, bless your mess. I do love you even above and beyond your exquisite ice skating scene.
Oct 13, 2024
SHOCKtober: 480-453
- Deadly Eyes rules my world! I would be perfectly happy watching those dachshunds-in-rat-costumes run up and down tunnels all day every day forever.
- Death Spa is so much fun. Maybe you haven't seen it for a while, or maybe you've never seen it at all...no matter your current relationship with Death Spa, please consider making it a part of your SHOCKtober 2024 rotation, thank you.
- I had never heard of Dark Mirror before someone included it on their list, and when I read the description of it they included I gasped. Made for TV? 1984? Jane Seymour as twins (one of whom is evil, natch)? How has this not been integral to my life since...1984, I guess? Do I even deserve to have a horror blog??
- A reader on Delicatessen: "Who knew dread, cannibalism, and apocalypse could be this funny?"
- I need to rewatch Dead End, it's been many a hot minute and in my memories at least it's a little gem. And who doesn't need more Ray Wise in their watchings?
- It's a bit shocking that Snyder's Dawn of the Dead only got one vote. It's always had a pretty good showing--in 2020 it received seven votes and in earlier SHOCKtobers it got even more. Hmm! I'd like to see what the faves list looks like ten years from now--tastes and trends fluctuate of course, but there's just so much damn horror coming out every single minute and viewing habits / methods have drastically changed since I started doing this...how will the beloveds and classiques hold up in the future?
Oct 12, 2024
SHOCKtober: 508-481
Soon...soon we will be in the land of the films that received more than one vote. But today we've got more films that received one vote each! Incredible.
508. From Dusk Till Dawn -- 1996, Robert Rodriguez- Frogs, baby, Frogs! It is just the best. I'm still undecided if I'll be posting my list this year, but if I do...spoiler alert, Frogs'll be on it.
- I watched FleshEater for the first time last year thanks to its appearance on an earlier SHOCKtober list and I will forever be grateful for it.
- Two films from Lucile Hadzihalilovic in this chunk, and they weren't submitted by the same person. Obviously I need to get with it and check out her work.
- A reader on Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell: "Hammer's last Frankenstein movie feels like a cramped and weary performance of a dead ritual for the ritual's sake. I think it's more horrifying and more poignant than anything else the studio produced."
- *pushes up glasses* Shouldn't Eight Legged Freaks be Eight-Legged Freaks as it's about spiders and not eight freaks with legs?
- The synopsis for Footprints on the Moon makes it sound cool and maybe somewhere on the Messiah of Evil vibe spectrum...that could prove wrong in the end but I want to give it a go.
- Exhibit A is a pretty good (and oft overlooked) found footage film. Loved the performances and the surprise wee bit of...YOU KNOW.
Oct 11, 2024
SHOCKtober: 536-509
- I feel like someday the dam in my mind will burst and I will fully embrace the WTFery of Ghosts of Mars. Today is not that day! But someday.
- My affection for House on Haunted Hill will never wane. Kind of strange to have such a personal attachment to it, but hey. It's also wild that it came out *~* last century *~*
- Someday I will do...something to tackle all of the Howling films as I've only seen the first and I am so very curious about the others. I mean, The Marsupials? Your Sister is a Werewolf? Hard to believe I've never engaged. Today is not that day! But someday.
- A reader on Halloween II: "Much of Rob Zombie’s work, including his first Halloween, falls into the genre-spanning category of Ugly People Doing Ugly Things. There’s some of that here, but for me this movie plays like fucked up but sincerely felt fanfiction based on the 1978 movie. And the atmosphere Zombie creates really feels like Halloween (much more than something like Trick 'r Treat does, for example). I think this is the second-best film in the whole franchise."
- Am I the only person who had no idea that Gretel & Hansel is an Osgood Perkins film? I haven't seen it, but still.
- Forever "heck yeah" to Humongous, Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte, Home for the Holidays!
- And Housebound!
- And Funeral Home!
- And...I will stop here because otherwise I'll be heck yeahing forever.